From Cage to Stage: Recognizing Your Freedom to Be Authentic
- Dec 20, 2025
- 4 min read
Life often feels like a balancing act between obligation and choice. Many people find themselves trapped by a sense of "should," weighed down by expectations that disrupt their relationships and inner peace. This feeling of being caged limits our ability to express who we truly are. On the other hand, when we embrace choice, we step onto a stage where we can be authentic without fear or shame. This post explores how to recognize when you are in a cage or on a stage in your life, the harmful reactions that come from feeling trapped, and how to find your safe space to shine as your true self.
Understanding the Cage: Where Obligation Feels Like a Prison
The cage is a metaphor for the invisible barriers created by a sense of obligation. These barriers can come from family, work, social expectations, or even internal pressures. When you feel caged, you respond to what you think you must do rather than what you want to do. This can lead to frustration, resentment, and a breakdown in relationships.
Signs You Are Feeling Caged
You often say "I should" or "I have to" instead of "I want to."
You feel drained or anxious about certain roles or responsibilities.
You avoid expressing your true feelings or opinions.
You experience conflict or distance in relationships because of unmet expectations.
You feel stuck in routines or situations that don’t align with your values.
Destructive Reactions to Feeling Caged
When trapped by obligation, people often develop ineffective coping strategies that worsen their situation:
Withdrawal: Pulling away from others to avoid conflict or judgment.
Passive-aggressiveness: Expressing frustration indirectly through sarcasm or silence.
Overcompensation: Trying too hard to meet expectations, leading to burnout.
Blaming: Holding others responsible for your unhappiness instead of taking ownership.
Self-sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that undermine your success or happiness.
These reactions create a cycle that keeps you locked in the cage, making it harder to break free.
The Stage: A Place to Be Your True Self
Imagine standing alone on a stage, bathed in light. No one demands a performance, and there are no shadows to hide behind. This stage represents freedom—the ability to be authentic without shame or fear. Being on a stage means embracing choice and owning your identity.
Recognizing Where You Feel Staged
You feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings openly.
You experience acceptance and support from those around you.
You engage in activities that reflect your true interests and values.
You feel energized and confident in your interactions.
You have a safe audience that encourages your growth.
Defining Your Safe Audience
Your safe audience might be a close friend, a family member, a mentor, or a community where you feel accepted. These people provide a space where you can be vulnerable and authentic without judgment.
What You Put Into the Light
Being on a stage means choosing what parts of yourself to share. This might include:
Your passions and talents
Your struggles and vulnerabilities
Your dreams and goals
Your unique perspective and personality
Sharing these aspects helps build deeper connections and fosters a sense of belonging.
Exploring Your Own Cage and Stage
Take a moment to reflect on your life. Where do you feel caged? Where do you feel staged?
Questions to Guide Your Reflection
In which relationships or situations do you feel obligated rather than free?
What emotions arise when you think about these areas?
How do you typically react when you feel trapped?
Where do you feel most comfortable being yourself?
Who supports you in expressing your true self?
Writing down your answers can help clarify where you need to focus your energy to move from cage to stage.
Practical Steps to Move From Cage to Stage
Breaking free from the cage and stepping onto the stage takes intention and practice. Here are some steps to help you along the way:
1. Identify Your "Shoulds"
Notice when you say or think "I should." Question whether these are truly your desires or imposed expectations. Replace "should" with "choose to" or "prefer to" to shift your mindset.
2. Set Boundaries
Learn to say no to obligations that don’t serve your well-being. Setting clear boundaries protects your energy and allows space for authenticity.
3. Seek Safe Spaces
Find or create environments where you feel accepted. This could be a support group, a hobby club, or time with trusted friends.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself when you struggle with feelings of obligation or shame. Recognize that growth takes time and effort.
5. Express Yourself Creatively
Use art, writing, music, or other creative outlets to explore and share your true self. Creativity can be a powerful way to step onto your stage.
6. Communicate Openly
Share your feelings and needs honestly with those around you. Open communication builds trust and reduces misunderstandings.
Real-Life Example
Consider Sarah, who felt trapped in her corporate job because she believed she "should" stay for financial security and family expectations. She often felt resentful and disconnected from her colleagues and loved ones. After reflecting on her feelings, Sarah realized she wanted to pursue a career in teaching, which aligned with her passion for helping others.
By setting boundaries around her work hours and seeking support from friends, Sarah gradually transitioned to a teaching role. She found a safe audience in her new colleagues and students, where she could be authentic and fulfilled. Her relationships improved as she embraced choice over obligation.
Embracing Your Freedom
Moving from cage to stage is about reclaiming your freedom to be authentic. It requires awareness of where you feel trapped and courage to make different choices. When you step onto your stage, you invite others to see and appreciate the real you.
Remember, there are no "shoulds" in life—only choices. Your stage is waiting. What will you bring into the light?
Helpful worksheets to explore the Stage and Cage can be found here.
Phillip Bass, MDiv, ThM, MA, NCLCMHC, NCC,
Licensed Qualified Supervisor
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