The Nurture Play Structure Balance: 4 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships require more than just love or attraction. They thrive on a balance of nurture, play, and structure. This balance, often called the Nurture Play Structure (NPS) balance, helps partners connect deeply, enjoy their time together, and handle challenges with care. Over years of clinical observation, four clear signs have emerged that show when a relationship is healthy. Understanding these signs can help partners assess and improve their connection.

Two partners hold hands, strolling together in a serene, sunlit setting.

Dreaming Together

One of the most joyful signs of a healthy relationship is dreaming together. When partners dream, they imagine a future that includes both of them. This could be planning a vacation, talking about retirement, looking forward to a special date, or simply flirting. Dreaming is a form of play because it brings excitement and joy into the relationship.

Dreaming shows that both partners want to continue building their life together. It creates a shared vision that strengthens their bond. For example, a couple might spend an evening imagining their ideal home or planning a weekend getaway. These moments of shared excitement keep the relationship fresh and hopeful.

Repairing After Disruptions

Every relationship faces disruptions. Arguments, misunderstandings, or stressful events happen even in the healthiest partnerships. What matters most is how partners repair after these disruptions. Healthy repair means both people work toward understanding and resolving the issue, returning to a place of peace and joy.

Some couples measure their relationship health by how often they avoid conflict or how frequently they are physically intimate. These measures can be misleading because they might encourage hiding problems or performing for the other person. Instead, the true sign of health is the ability to repair authentically.

For example, after a disagreement, partners might take time to listen to each other’s feelings, apologize sincerely, and find a solution that works for both. This process builds trust and shows respect for each other’s needs.

Experiencing Peacefulness

Peacefulness in a relationship is more than just quiet or calm moments. It comes from authenticity and vulnerability. Partners feel safe to be themselves without fear of judgment or conflict. This peace is not about avoiding problems or “keeping the peace” just to prevent fights. Instead, it is about creating a space where both people can express their true feelings and still feel connected.

Peacefulness means partners can share their worries, hopes, and fears openly. For example, a couple might have a calm conversation about a difficult topic without raising their voices or shutting down. This kind of peace supports emotional safety and deepens intimacy.

Partnering in Decision-Making

A healthy relationship includes a strong sense of partnering. This means making decisions together, bridging differences, and seeking shared joy. Partnering is about cooperation and respect, not control or one-sided choices.

In practice, this could look like discussing major life decisions such as finances, moving, or family planning openly and honestly. Both partners listen and contribute equally. They find compromises that honor each person’s needs and desires.

Partnering also means celebrating successes and joys together. For example, after achieving a goal, partners might plan a special dinner or share a meaningful activity to mark the moment. This shared experience strengthens their connection and commitment.

Balancing nurture, play, and structure creates a foundation where these four signs can flourish. Dreaming brings joy and excitement. Repairing builds trust and resilience. Peacefulness creates emotional safety. Partnering fosters respect and cooperation.

By paying attention to these signs, partners can better understand the health of their relationship and take steps to nurture it. Healthy relationships are not perfect, but they are strong because both people work together to build a joyful, peaceful, and supportive connection.

Take time today to reflect on these signs in your own relationship. What dreams do you share? How do you handle disruptions? Is there peace in your connection? Do you feel like true partners? These questions can guide you toward a deeper, more balanced relationship.

Phillip Bass, MDiv, ThM, MA, NCLCMHC, NCC,

Licensed Qualified Supervisor